I used to be a Lazy Mom. I was comfortable doing the bare minimum - betraying myself and what I used to imagine I would be. When I was younger, I always would think to myself, I am going to be a great mom. I'm going to be an active mom - a mom that is involved in school things, sports, dance classes - and more. But I wasn't... I was flat out lazy! I was okay with work - hw (if i remembered) - nap time - dinner. To be honest, Bella spent a lot of time with her Grandma's and she was a daddy's girl. I was deeply betraying myself by not giving Bella my all. I didn't notice though - I was too caught up in a comfortable day to day routine. It wasn't until my marriage issues. What were they? My husband was also a lazy person. We would both be lazy and do the bare minimum. This meant that without even realizing we were disrespecting ourselves, our parenting, and our quality of life. This all changed when our 2nd baby arrived. Milla. When she was born, being lazy was NOT an option. Okayyy. I literally was hit with a big ass rude awakening - but it was overdue. I knew that I had to get my shit together!!! But funny thing.. I expected Rik to have it together. Well boo.. that didn't happen. I started to talk to my mother in-law almost daily and complain and complain.. We would have this conversations almost every day, she kept repeating "you have to work on yourself and everyone around you will change" but - like talking to a friend, I didn't want to hear that, I wanted a quick fix. Until one day I was like hold up.. I need to work on MYSELF (she was right). Let ME be a Great Mom. I watch "This is Us" and do you remember when the mom told the dad they could be great parents but they weren't? I thought about that.. I was like ok, if Rik doesn't want to be better - it doesn't mean I can't be Better. So, I - the grown ass woman that I am, decided to be Great. Decided. say it again! Decided. I decided I was going to be a Great Mom, and really Own that Shit! I was going to use my planner to set goals, monthly goals, daily goals. I made it a point to make one of my goals - PLAY WITH BELLA FOR 1 HR a day. Do you do that? Or are you too caught up in life too? Or - lets be real - are you too caught up on in your phone? Ikr.. Ownership. Since January began - and no.. not "new year new me" shit, just "I realized change starts with me"shit, I started to work my ass off. I was a bit stressed and drained - but I was okay with that. Before I knew it, I had a clean house (my house used to be Disgusting and Unorganized. - I did that! "I". I finally caught up with Bella's HW, even if I had to read 5 books a day. (still working on it though) I then felt PROUD of myself. Proud... are you proud of yourself? Are you a Great Mom? Can you say "I am a Great Mom" and truly believe yourself? I asked a close friend lately to say it, but I could tell she didn't mean it. I told her.. BE A GREAT MOM. Ok. You have to take ownership of your shit. Do what you have to do to be a Great Mom. Own it. Be realistic. We all spend too much time on our phones, or work. Make it a point to spend individual time with your kids. I do 1 hour a day with Bells, if you can do 30 minutes, that works too. If you want to be a Great Mom - become it. I can now say - Me, myself, individually, I am a Great - Bomb - Ass - Mom. I know my kids, my kids know me, my husband is better. I have noticed that me doing me, and deciding to "get that shit done" has bettered my husband. I made change happen, because I bettered myself. * tip - I caught myself lately realizing I have an inner strong voice in my head that tells me "get shit done" - literally I hear it. When I feel tired, or ready to call it a night, I hear it. What do I do? I get my ass up and do it. I wash the dishes before bed, or pick up what ever is left behind. I am the shit now. Now - when me and my husband argue and he tries to call me on my shit - I quickly interrupt him - naw boo - I am a Great Ass Mom and no one - not even you can tell me otherwise. This again - isn't only about being a mom - it's about being true to yourself, checking yourself, taking ownership, and self love. Love yourself to not betray yourself, like I did. I am happy being a Great Mom. I feel fulfilled in the mom aspect, therefore fulfilled internally knowing I can be all that. I dare you to start today, and say it "I'm a Great Mom" and if you get the tiniest thought telling you otherwise, then own it, and fix it. Please follow-up with me, either in the comments or on social media, I want to hold you accountable as well. I want to watch each reader grow and own it. Because you are all Great Moms, some just have to live up to it.
Xoxo Mom Bae
ps. changes I made:
Wake up - make goals in planner
I clean 1 room a day (example: Sun(kitchen), Mon(living room and bathroom), Tue(girls room), Wed(our room), Thur(closet room), Fri(errands), Sat(my day)
No dishes in sink - ever - wash and go
IMPORTANT - Cross off goals in planner as I achieve them, to motivate me more - if I accomplish something I didn't initially write - go back and write it, then cross off
Organize - I make sure each thing in this house has a place- PUT IT THERE
Trash Cans in each most lived in room - trash collect often
Assigned Bella her yellow table - only place she's allowed to have any food/drink
Make a list of things that bother me - our hallway closest - make it a point to organize it
Make short easy to do list for husband in iphone notepad, add cute things like "Kiss me goodnight" (rik did his list the other night, made me feel so happy in the morning)
Taking a break is okay - but don't get comfortable
If you see it - fix it - pick up
* Love yourself enough to do better.