Life is Kicking My A**

Can we take a moment to acknowledge how hard parenting is right now? I’ve been struggling lately - big time. Having multiple kids is definitely way harder than one kid. I remember having Bella and she was three - she was very independent and self-sufficient - that is the way we raised her. I always wanted to raise my kids to be independent, self-sufficient and just very strong so when we had Milla it was like starting all over again. It’s been pretty rough overall since we’ve had her, however due to quarantine it’s been more intense. I think that it’s starting to weigh on me that this summer is not going to go as planned. I always look forward to going on trips even if it’s nearby or spending the day at zoombezi bay, I was looking forward to everything. Now that I know I won’t be able to teach Milla how to swim or go out with my parents, Rik, or my best friend it’s definitely weighing on me. I am struggling internally with my mental health. On top of that Milla is teething, she cries so much all day every day. I am her favorite therefore she only wants her mom at all times, even Rik can’t put her to sleep, only I can. Bella is actually going through a stage where she wants more quality time and just more attention. I’ve been working from home since 2015 so I’ve been home for a while however, I haven’t been home working - with the two kids in the house. Rik is still here to help but when I break or lunch I have to cater to them instead of taking a break from my day.

It’s been very hard trying to spend time with Rik and trying to maintain a healthy relationship between us because having two kids now and it takes more attention us - as husband and wife. I want to make sure that we make each other a priority but it’s very hard when you have a screaming baby and on top of that Bells is throwing tantrums or getting into things because she just wants some attention.

Being a mom is amazing, I love it but it’s fucking hard! I am trying to make sure that I keep myself sane but my anxiety is crazy right now. I’m stressed between work, my husband, the girls, the house. I’m just very overwhelmed and it’s not only one factor it’s not just Milla teething - it’s Bella - it’s my marriage - quarantine - work.

My marriage is struggling so much right now and not as oh we’re going to get a divorce tomorrow but just struggling in the fact that I wish we were in a better peaceful place but we simply don’t have that quality time. Even when we do try to make quality time by the time we get to it we’re just ready to take a nap honestly. I’m exhausted - he’s exhausted, it’s hard. I’m trying to understand my husband more. I’m trying to spend more time with Bella I’m trying to not just lose it and it’s really hard. Lately I find myself multitasking and Milla will start crying because obviously she’s in pain with her teeth and Bells is asking for a snack or to do something for her and Rik is on the game and I feel like I’m going crazy. I feel insane I feel like I can’t take it anymore. You know it’s just part of life I guess but it’s just a lot, it’s definitely a lot. I’ve been talking to my best friend, everyone around me - my mom of course and just trying to let them know how I feel so I can get that extra help.

My best friend did suggest to start a little mommy group with my close mom friends just to check in on one another and you know talk about our days and how we’re doing. I think that’s an amazing idea. I plan on starting one tomorrow just so that I can have some support from actual people I know and close friends especially ones that are around my kids or been around my kids and - I love their kids. I enjoy watching my friends kids grow up and just knowing that we’ve known each other for a certain amount of time and we’re on this journey together.If you’re going through something like I am - it’s OK - I feel like I got it! I just needed to vent about it and I really hope that if you are going through anxiety and stress like I am that you know you’re not alone because in my eyes I’m very stubborn and you can’t tell me I’m not the most incredible mom ever but even the most amazing mom has her moments and I definitely feel like the quarantine is pulling out these moments for me. I mean I have never thought I would be in the situation where I can’t even just go out to the store or go shopping with the girls or take them to the playground. To know that all the activities I had planned are going to waste because we can’t do anything it’s extremely depressing.

I will update you guys not next week but the week after that on how it’s going because next week is Mother’s Day and I plan on writing a beautiful blog about my mother so I don’t want to update then but I’ll definitely update you guys because as of right now your girl is drowning but I know I'll pull through like a boss.

Xoxo Mom Bae

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