I know who my dad is - but did I really know him? Do you know your dad personally? For example, what is his favorite color? No cheating, you must know without asking. I didn't. When is the last time you spent some 1 on 1 time with him? I want to tell you about my dad in hopes that this sparks some interest in you creating this bond. I want to start with - my dad is not my biological dad yet he took on the role of my dad for as long as I can remember. I actually don't even remember life before him. My dad has always showed me favoritism if anything between me and my siblings - his actual blood. I do remember that when my dad was trying to solidify his relationship with my mom - I was his focus. Over 20 years later - I still have the first doll he ever gave me. My dad has provided for me in every aspect and I've never felt less than my siblings. - A true ass man right there!
My dad is your typical Mexican Dad - works two jobs. He goes in to his first job at 9am - 4pm, then second job 5pm-12/1am - I don't know if he even has enough time to eat some times. Due to him being a provider I barely got to spend any time with him growing up. We did spend time on his days off, Sundays and Mondays. As time has gone by, we started to spend less and less time together once I moved out. My dad is a quiet man. He is very shy. It's so sweet how shy he is actually. If you've met him, you probably haven't even heard him speak. His name is Javier - a name he randomly ass appointed himself. Who does that lol? My dad.
I didn't know my dad. I didn't know his favorite color, I didn't know what he wanted to be when he grew up, I didn't know anything about him. I just knew he was my dad - a provider. As a kid and then a teen - it wasn't a priority. I wasn't worried about getting to know him. Now, as a grown up and as a parent, I realize how sad that makes me feel. I don't know the man that works 9am-1am for us. I don't know the man that doesn't get a break. That makes me so sad. As I type this I can't help but cry. It makes me sad to think of how sad his life is, work is all he knows. He doesn't have "me" time. He doesn't have any time. No one has taken the time to get to know him and worry about him and make him a priority. Hear him, his dreams, and his feelings. So much lost time, about 20 years of not even knowing him. What he likes, what he wants. I just knew what I needed from him and what I expected.
Since January I have drastically changed my life, I started to love myself and love the bonds I decided were important to me. I'll mention my mom for a brief moment (I'll discuss our bond in depth later) - I was a mommy's girl always, so I never had this issue with her. I know my mom. But my dad - that bond was not even there. I decided to start scheduling dates with him. I told my dad as blunt as possible - I want to spend time with you - I want to get to know you - I want to be closer to you. Unless you set expectations and are crystal clear about what you want/need it's hard for others to read your mind or know how to approach/treat you. My dad willingly accepted my request. He agreed to take days off for us to hang out and even to go to Javi's games - this was SO NOT LIKE HIM. He rarely missed work - ever! I would also take off one Monday a month to spend time together.
I am so excited to start spending time with him and getting to know the man not the dad. Now my dad calls me regularly and our conversations aren't awkward anymore lol. I now know he wanted to be a farmer (tener un rancho con muchos animales) and his favorite color is Verde. (green)
I would love for you to comment your dad's favorite color or what he wanted to be when he got older in the comments.
Xoxo Mom Bae