Mom, I want you to know I see you even when you don't think I am looking. I see your strength, your kindness, your outgoing personality, your loving ways. Growing up you weren't very affectionate in regards to hugs and kisses, but there wasn't one single day I didn't feel your love. I know your parents didn't show you physical love so it doesn't come easy to you. It's okay mom. I feel your love with your actions. I know you're scared to talk about your life grievances, it's okay mom. I will only love you more and not look at you as weak. I know the warrior you are. I know you left your entire life at 20 years old with me and came into an unknown country with a language you didn't even understand. I know you fought hard. I can only try to imagine how lonely you must have felt. It's okay mom, you're not lonely. You have us. I know how much you fought for my safety and comfort. I want you to know mom, I lived an amazing life. I remember San Diego and all it's beauties, from my iguana to my day care and singing the marshmellow song. Most of all mom, I remember the amazing man you made sure I was comfortable with and is now the best dad I could have asked for. You did that. You gave me a good fulfilling life. I don't blame you at all for the little dark patch only me and you know about. You didn't know. But just know it doesn't bother me till this day. I moved passed it with all your ongoing love.
Mom, I want you to know I am who I am because of you. We both know I love to the play the mom role with everyone in my life, some times even you. It's okay. I love this trait, I got it because of you. I am the mom I am now because of you. I strive to raise my girls how you raised me. Of course I have my own little things I want to do different. But the core - the core way you raised us three is perfect for me. I remember all the family time. We were never showered in gifts but I was showered in memories!!! I remember all our zoo trips, maybe that's why the zoo is one of my favorite places to go. I remember all the flea market trips every Sunday. I remember all the family gatherings, maybe that's why I'm obsessed with having family gatherings so the girls know the feeling of having tons of cousins being more like siblings. I remember you happy my whole childhood. I never seen you stressed, or crying. How the hell did you keep it together? I find myself struggling with motherhood often. I need to do a better job. I need to be more like you.
Mom, I want you to know you are very deserving of happiness and joy. I know I can be very hard on you about your preferences. I am only hard because I want you in my life for many years. I want you to make it to the girls Quinceañeras. I want you to be here for your great grand-kids. I need you. I know you think because I am grown now I don't need you but mom, I need you more every single day. I need your voice every day to make me feel okay. I need our car rides, our family dinners. I need your time. I know you were never taught self care and self love, but it's not too late. Take care of yourself, go to the doctor, take vitamins, drink more water because we all need you very much.
Mom, we love you. We love all of you. You're such a cool mom. Keep being who you are, because we love you for it. You bring us all joy and laughter, always. You did a good job mom. You did it. You raised three amazing kids. We are all happy and on right paths. All because of you. You deserve the world, I hope I can give it to you one day. (I am sure I will be able to, because you raised a fighter mom.)
I love you - Mallely.